Depending on others

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since I was born I have been in poverty. My parents worked hard but it seemed to never be enough. We lived paycheck to paycheck, barely getting by. Losing our apartments, staying with my grandparents, even living in our van for three months. At 23 years old, I am fully and completely sick of it. I have been sick of it since my teens years. But today is another reminder that my time of blessing is here. It’s right in front of my eyes. I just have to reach out and grab it. 

I say this all because, well. As you know, I am going on vacation. My family and I are driving out to Los Angeles for my brothers 18th birthday. Some extra Family members wanted to join in the celebration so we went half on the rental car and hotel suite. I fully regret that decision. We were supposed to be out of Las Vegas, where I currently reside, by 12pm. It’s now 2:08pm and we are still waiting. I cannot even express my anger. Things that should have been done last week or at least yesterday are being done today. This is not some spoiled bratty moment I am having. Let me explain so you can better understand.

Every vacation we have had, in the last 10 years have been ruined, held back, or changed because of other family members( favorites of my grandparents). Every vacation. The first time we went to the beach, we were really excited I mean who isn’t excited when going to the beach? I posted a photo of us on vacation and earlier said favorite members got jealous and called my grandparents claiming they spoiled us. Let me tell you, we are NOT spoiled. 

I won’t go into detail of what we have not and have gotten because it would turn into a 10 chapter book. But I can tell you, we haven’t had much. My cousins on the other hand, haven been out of the states, bought expensive gifts, catered to, told how beautiful or handsome they are on the regular. My brother, mother, and myself….we don’t get that, often at least. It’s every blue moon. Unless favorite cousins are in trouble, then we are the favorites.

First off, I never understood favorites. I don’t understand how a parent or grandparent can favorite a child or grandchild. It doesn’t make any sense to me. Second, why would you spoil someone more than the other? 

Another thing that upsets me, is simply that my family members take there time to do these errands as if we don’t have a schedule, things to do,  plans made and more. It’s disrespectful and I fully am disrespected. It’s simply as if they do not care. And it hurts like hell because we are good grandchildren. We are good children. 

I have to admit, my faith in God hasn’t always been good but I’ve been doing very good lately and I’m not giving up again just because of this mishap, but I will admit it seems like no matter how long I stay in faith, no matter how hard I stay positive, something always ruins my plans. And it makes me want to question on why these things keep on happening but after calming down, I always understand that they are test for me. I do wonder how many more test like this I will have to go through before my times of struggle are over but I just have to be patient. It will all make sense when God is ready to let me know the reasons I go through these situations. 

Side note: I know a lot of people say that money doesn’t buy happiness, but let me tell you, it will take a lot of stress away from my life. It will end my debt, it will take me on vacations, it will help me buy products and things that are good for my health, mentally and physically, and it will give me a piece of mind to know I can pick up and go somewhere or do something whenever I want. 

Anyways, the reasons why the title is Depending On Others and why I made that side note, is because we went half on everything, I took that as a good thing because I would have more money to enjoy what’s in LA and because of that, we now have no choice but to wait. We have no car so we can’t go ourselves, we don’t have money to go get another rental car. We are stuck between a rock and a hard place and it’s just frustrating. 
I am ready for situations like this to be completely over. I am ready to go when and where I want to. I am ready to start living and not just surviving, 
End rant.

Shai. 

This post contains affiliate links. Read my disclosure here.

Until next time,

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